Tuesday talk ...

"I will believe the truth about myself no matter how beautiful it is." -- Macrina Weiderkehr

Trying to figure out what I would write about today, I happened upon a Facebook post from a woman I know who used to be a reporter for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette in Pittsburgh, Penn., and  now lives in a tiny village in northern Spain along the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage. Her name is Rebekah, and I stopped by her house and had tea during my first Camino in summer 2011.

Rebekah writes a blog about the goings-on in and around her place, as pilgrims from all over the world pass through her village and sometimes stay overnight at her house. She does a lot of volunteer work for pilgrims and different Camino-related organizations and such, and was recently recognized for her efforts. In  her blog today, which I went to after seeing her Facebook post, she talked about being embarrassed and not feeling worthy of the recognition. "I am only myself," she wrote. "And myself is really nothing remarkable."

Then she writes: "... I have really impressive friends who love me. Not because I do things. They love me because I am me, and I inspire them to do good things. I need to learn to love myself the same way they do. I need to learn to accept praise without feeling I somehow don't really deserve it." Then she quoted Macrina Weiderkehr, an author of books about prayer and spirituality who also writes a blog that I now plan to follow.

Rebekah's words struck a familiar chord with me.

I have really impressive friends who I admire and respect and love -- and for some reason, they love me. Sometimes I ask myself why? The answer to the question is: they love me because I am me. No other reason. They don't want anything from me, except to spend  time with me, be around me, hang out, do stuff.

The problem is, I don't love myself. And because of that, I have a hard time understanding why other people would love me.

I don't know why I have a hard time loving myself. Something about the way I was raised, I guess. Like Rebekah, I need to learn to love myself the same way they do.